Understanding masking in autistic women

Hello, I’m Ruby. I’m 16 years old and have recently been formally diagnosed with level two autism. 

Have you noticed that autistic women frequently have their symptoms go unnoticed until they become teenagers or even adults? As females, we are particularly good at masking our feelings, emotions and our symptoms of autism. Individuals with autism can struggle with social and interactive activities, as well as interests in specific topics (AKA hyper fixations), repetitive behaviours, stress and anxiety. There are a number of other symptoms that apply to me and many others.

Personally, I struggle with:

• Separation anxiety

• Stress

• Hyper fixations

• Material sensitivity

• Communication difficulties

• Being routine prone (repetitive behaviour)

• Being influenced by others easily

• Efficient in and out behaviours

• Low patience levels

There are also a few more that aren’t listed, but as time passes, I start to notice more about my symptoms and it becomes even clearer to me that I’m autistic. Even though there are a lot of symptoms in the list, as a woman, I’ve also managed to mask them quite well, and many people don’t know about my condition. Women with autism are often able to endure social activities and naturally can appear to blend in as a non-autistic person.

Despite my ability to mask, I can still really struggle at home. I have a short fuse, and I can explode when it runs out, feeling terrible and getting really upset. I always apologise to my family after, but still it continues to happen. On top of a short fuse, I also sometimes find it hard to understand what people are trying to say to me at home, or I find it hard to control up and down emotions. This often frustrates me, and in the past I would often pull at my hair. Even though this happens at home (and I am now finding it easier to control as time goes on), it never occurs outside in public, due to my ability to mask.

When I was five to seven years old, my school and parents tested me to see if I was on the autism spectrum. At the time, my results came out as lower level one autism, though my parents dismissed the result as it didn’t appear clear… Still, to this day, both of my parents struggle to grasp the fact that I have level two autism, however, to me it has become even more evident as I learn more about my diagnosis. 

Two years ago, I was formally tested again, and was diagnosed with level two autism. My mother was advised by the psychologist to talk about it when I was ready and was picking up on the signs on my own. Last year, I started to notice that I was showing signs of easy frustration, particularly with my family. I was drawn to cars (and still am), books and other interests. I noticed I had in-and-out behaviour related to my social anxiety i.e., going into restaurants and immediately wanting to leave after or before eating. I also would be sad and anxious when it came to leaving certain places or people (family, friends and my significant other), and I’d start worrying about them and their safety. In addition to all this, I also find myself being called a ‘nerd’ at school, having always achieved high results with the help of my photographic memory. 

I’m only now coming to terms with myself and starting to manage my difficulties on my own. Like many autistic women, I find it challenging, especially when other people don’t believe you because your symptoms aren't as obvious, or you’re good at masking them - whether that be to avoid stigma, mistreatment or bullying. 

If you’re unsure if you have autism, I’d recommend you reach out to a psychologist, because they are here to help you get tested. I encourage you to seek someone to help you understand yourself because, in my experience, when you do, it all becomes easier to manage and you start finding new ways to cope. And, if you’re already diagnosed and feeling alone in this journey, know that you’re not. I’m 100% sure there are women out there who can relate to you, even if it’s just me.

It was such a pleasure to host Ruby for work experience. In addition to writing this blog, she assisted Scope’s administration and marketing efforts, providing valuable insights and perspectives from a Gen Z perspective.

If you would like to be assessed for autism, Scope offers comprehensive neurodevelopmental assessment. Autism assessment plays an important role in helping autistic people to understand themselves, get a diagnosis and receive ongoing guidance and support.